clarahow: (christmas!kara)
everything else does too.....

so not only have my emotions (as always) been totes on the fritz, but apparently after i came home - had to get my dad to pick me up after class - on tuesday night, and finished off my ice cream, and watched another Daredevil, i went to sleep that night only to not only have two (at least) nightmares, and then not wake up at all, until about noon today. my back's been hurting to the point it makes it hard to stand or do anything, i can barely move, barely think straight (or, well, all that reasonably. straight's a shit word). i have an oral exam today and have to meet with my partner, missed the last couple days of november writing, not to mention living....i'm still physically shaking. still anxious as fuck. still have (possible tw/cw) my period, and cramps, and everything else with that....it's even raining today. not nice rain, either. it's just plain icky.

i don't know what's going on with me. like, i could have sworn that being scared of everything and having next to no motivation and barely being able to sleep and feeling like shit all the time was bad enough but no? apparently my body doesn't know how to exist without fucking me over....
clarahow: (unbreakable!kimmy)
OKAY FRIENDS (and me)!!!!!!!

I've been behind on my NaNo word count every day so far. According to the lovely graph provided by the NaNo site, I will need (in order to reach 50k by the end of the month) to write at least 1890 words a day from now on.

SO. I'm aiming for 4k between today and Monday. (my dad and I are going to lunch and the movie about Malala, and we always have family dinner Sunday nights, so I don't know how much writing time I'll have. Eek.)

(I've got this post/challenge from [livejournal.com profile] gameofcards / [livejournal.com profile] card_writing to look at as well. but...yeah.)

I have my winterknights fest thing (and, note to self: we can do more than one entry) which will obviously be Morgwen with a side of Merthur (the prompt I picked was 'the two of them celebrating different holidays and figuring out how to celebrate together' but it's okay to use any that are here)

I have a holiday gift for a fellow Cartinelli fan which is about them being trapped inside on a snowy day. so if you have a plot bunny on that, I'd love it (except they asked for fluff and no smut...so my usual direction would be a no-go.)

also need story ideas for every day of maria hill week other than wednesday and sunday - and then the rest of ziva week I caught the first day but I missed yesterday oops

and then my h/c bingo card...and stony bingo...and teen wolf femslash bingo...why am I a terrible person who commits and can't commit woops

I have to do my superhero au for silas festival. never mind apparently that was cancelled...well if people want me to do that i will.

I just...need more concrete ideas, and inspiration. Like I'm even back to using my writing blog but my brain is just like...what are we doing?

I'm gonna stop listing stuff now because this is stressful and I need to sleep. (and yes, yes I know my mental health/general wellbeing are more important than reaching a word count BUT I WANT TO DO THE THING I NEED TO PROVE TO MYSELF I CAN DO THE THING also my french homework i also need to do that)

(side note: i'm also looking for a new, still fandom related but christmasy/wintery tumblr url so i'm taking suggestions for that too)
clarahow: (clara!yellow)
the world is overwhelming and I'm not sure I won't just be scared to literal death someday but it can't be today because I have a fellow grown ass woman to take fucking care of wtf the fuck is my life

it's supposed to be the best time of the year but no my parents are in fucking paris and I'm trying to handle my own mental and physical health issues, babysit my fucking grown ass bipolar stepsister, and not fail my French course, at the same fucking time

*insert friends theme because there was definitely no one who ever told me life would be this way*

*and what about that video with the woman who's like THAT IS NOOT MY JOB because stopping other people's mental breakdowns is totally not my job especially because I can't even stop my own jesus christ save me*
clarahow: (bullseye!kate)
going well: admitted I couldn't handle LIT class

unwell: being sick obvs
sleep schedule with a mind of its own - but still trying to be in bed before one even though I then have trouble getting to and/or staying asleep
letting stress escalate to the point where I dropped the ball on class

general to-dos:
-gonna set alarm for 930am daily
-looking through au sga job opportunity listings - pick at least one babysitting job
-fill out application for humane society (15$ fee required)
-[livejournal.com profile] fan_flashworks challenge #134 ends tuesday 20
-blindspot icons due for battle sunday 25
-clothes shopping (?)
-decide on halloween costume
-think about next semester

sunday aka today
-this schedule lol
-french hw (2 activities left)
-dishes (door left open for cooling)
-shower

monday 19
-ross center meeting @1pm (1245pm - bring papers): 5225 wisconsin ave #400
-blindspot on nbc @ 10pm
-will need to refill med box
-heating ppl will be here - Sarah will wake if not up by ten

tuesday 20
-grocery shopping (?)
-go to school (m. language center?) to study for exam
-french midterm @ 810pm | ecriture #3 due

wednesday 21 aka new book day and BACK TO THE FUTURE DAY
-both 1872 and black canary will have new issues :D
-ross center meeting @12n: 5225 wisconsin ave #400
-back to the future day party (@fantom) @ 6pm (costumes and 5$ cover involved)
-arrow on the cw @ 9pm
*a) turn tv off before supernatural or b) get caught up on svu and watch that @ 10 instead*
-shower

thursday 22
-allison @ 1145am
-claire via video call @3pm
-french class @ 810pm

friday 23
-claire @ 230pm - will be working on resume & looking through job opps on student government site
-shower
-parents leaving at 3pm

saturday 24
-doctor who @ 9pm
-laundry

sunday 25
-shower
-who knows what else yet

so

15/10/15 16:20
clarahow: (bullseye!kate)
nervewracking and kind of disappointing, but i am dropping my lit class. just too much...work and stress and 'freedom'. while I always have thoughts on things - SO MANY - I'm not really good with the whole 'write whatever you want on the topic'. I need more structure than that when i'm getting graded...

so, yeah. didn't want to have to, but my dad brought it up the other day and I honestly felt so much less stressed just imagining not having this class, so...I'm still gonna read the books tho, and write meta probably. like the thing I was originally working on about toxic masculinity in Othello.

I'm not entirely sure if they'll do the next level of the french class in the spring semester (or at least, that my *awesome* professor will be teaching it *sad face*) but I think planning to take it is the best idea...i don't know if taking two classes is a good idea, if I should find one that's just...less intensive than LIT? I guess?

idek right now. I just wanted to put this out there. *returns to french homework*
clarahow: (claralips)
I know I'm not on here like, for academic shit or whatever but...most of my friends on here seem to be a good bit older than me. Like, old enough to maybe have enough of their shit together to maybe...give me some 'surviving college' tips? Maybe? Please?
clarahow: (bullseye!kate)
sorry about anything I haven't been able to get done recently.

I know I've dropped out of a couple fests I didn't expect to have to, and I don't know who I've emailed and who I haven't or anything. Times have been really hectic, and the semester started yesterday, so things aren't exactly slowing down.

I should be able to handle most of the things, esp. more short term that I've already signed up for, but yeah, if anyone is wondering why I may not be so active in times to come or why I don't respond to a message or something, I'm probably in class or doing homework or attending to something medical or family related.

edit
*last edit: 9.3 1:30pm*

things I am doing (not including fests and tables)

today

signed up for:

inspired20in20 round 50 (inspiration post | post | claim: general/n.a. (no claims) | deadline: 9.20 midnight)

spn20in20 round 12 ( table | claim: adrianne, felicia, & genevieve | deadline: 9.27)

cardwars september battle (post) (ends 9.18)

comics_ic #81: close crop + negative space ( post | due 9.20 9pm GMT+2)

not yet signed up for:

femslashbb september challenge (theme: history | undecided | deadline: 9.30)

sign up not required:

hogwarts365 prompt #104 (due 9.12) ("Celebrity is as celebrity does." —Gilderoy Lockhart, The Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament, House of Black | must be 365 words)

cap_im tiny reverse bang (current: round 11 - kree | deadline: 9.12)

open rounds with finished claims:

btvsats20in20 round 12 (table | claim: buffy/faith | ends: 9.15)

hbic20in20 round 50 ( table | claim: general/n.a. (any females) | ends: 9.12 midnight)

character20in20 round 73 (table | claim: allison blake | deadline: 9.20 midnight)

challenges:

comicdrabbles: #132: paper cut (Wednesday)

gameofcards

cards_wild: #42: 6-10 (due 9.12)
Complete fanworks for the prompt: 6, 7, 8, 9 or 10
You can choose things that are inspired by the numbers; seasons, doctors, cylons etc or for this challenge you can make sets of things (eg one thing x 8, one thing x 10)


#53: King & Queen (due 9.20)
Complete fanworks for the prompt: King and Queen. Obviously this is pretty open because you can pick actual kings or queens, or the kings and queens of your heart - All Ladies or All Men or whatever you like :)

#46: Stake Your Claim (by 9.16)

#48: Narrowed Focus (due 9.16)
clarahow: (coleylikeme)
I have too many things to do still and I have to figure my shit out but in the meantime I'd like to inform you all THAT I HAVE PASSED MY ANTHROPOLOGY CLASS WITH FLYING FUCKING COLORS

I HAVE AN A- AND THREE OFFICIAL COLLEGE CREDITS

clarahow: (coleylikeme)
Well, that wasn't what I expected.

The walk from the train station to the LGBT center was hella long and that was an interesting dealio. Didn't make it in time for the workshop and I'm not actually sure where in the building it was - but it was part of the #OutWrite festival (lgbt literature festival) so that was going on and I got to meander around and actually talk to people like meeee on the inside and there were a lot of rainbows around and I was given like four gift bags and it was nice.

stopped by big planet on the way home cos it's near there and got some comic stuff including some buttons and a couple issues and had some awesome conversation with the dude there about comics in general and spider-gwen and ant-man and agent carter and civil war and fridged females and dudebros and being a broke college student and it was great.

and then I got a smoothie and came home and my feet hurt and I need like a three-day nap and I'm nearly broke again even though my dad added some money to my debit card this morning oops but I'm writing meta about a marvel fandom thing that irks me and eating a vegan cookie and tbh I'm feeling pretty okay right now
clarahow: (coleylikeme)
-wonder how the hell it's already the 29th
-up and out the house in time
-set up tumblah queue 4 day
-classssss at one (ext. on paper!!!)
-read da book
-do da essays
-check most recents in lj inbox when shall i ever check all 400+ goddammit lj
-start on femslashagenda list of fills for the comment!fest
-reply to ao3 comments
-post next fill to ao3 from lj
-write something (am i counting essays in my wc? am i gon post that shit? it's life meta man idk)
-mentally prepare mahself for ant man yo
-look into backpack (kimmy backpack?)
clarahow: (bbtaylor1)
but I'm dropping out because I'm not gonna drop out

aka I have to do the thing called college and can't write for all the things at the moment

thank you my interwebs friends for your wisdom
[livejournal.com profile] swan_secrets [livejournal.com profile] naemi [livejournal.com profile] badly_knitted
you are wonderful and your responses to my earlier post really helped :D

Okay, going through all my COMMS *opens profile*

*Additionally, going to friend people I've talked to in comms.*

*Starts with 184 total.*

non-challenge comms
[livejournal.com profile] 1word1day | [livejournal.com profile] _fandom_icons_ | [livejournal.com profile] accio_hd_fics | [livejournal.com profile] articulate | [livejournal.com profile] asoiaf_icons | [livejournal.com profile] avengers_2k | [livejournal.com profile] avengers_search | [livejournal.com profile] avengerslash | [livejournal.com profile] beta_search | [livejournal.com profile] britpickery | [livejournal.com profile] btvsfans | [livejournal.com profile] buffy_fanfic | [livejournal.com profile] calufrax | [livejournal.com profile] canonrants | [livejournal.com profile] cap_im_finders | [livejournal.com profile] castle_fic | [livejournal.com profile] castle_slash | [livejournal.com profile] clara_who | [livejournal.com profile] daily_snitch | [livejournal.com profile] doctorwho | [livejournal.com profile] dracomalfoyfans | [livejournal.com profile] dramione | [livejournal.com profile] dramionelove | [livejournal.com profile] dw_slash | [livejournal.com profile] dwfiction | [livejournal.com profile] fandom_grammar | [livejournal.com profile] fanficrants | [livejournal.com profile] femslash_today | [livejournal.com profile] ficartunited | [livejournal.com profile] girlslash | [livejournal.com profile] grande_caps | [livejournal.com profile] hd_writers | [livejournal.com profile] hp_betas | [livejournal.com profile] hp_betas_wanted | [livejournal.com profile] hp_diversity | [livejournal.com profile] hp_icons | [livejournal.com profile] hp_masterlists | [livejournal.com profile] jackxianto | [livejournal.com profile] jantolution | [livejournal.com profile] kinda_gay | [livejournal.com profile] leviosa2016 | [livejournal.com profile] little_details | [livejournal.com profile] longliveianto | [livejournal.com profile] moneypenneys | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_bang | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_discuss | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_fan_awards | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_newsletter | [livejournal.com profile] ncisficfind | [livejournal.com profile] ohnotheydidnt | [livejournal.com profile] one_bad_man | [livejournal.com profile] ouatfemslash | [livejournal.com profile] onceupon_fanfic | [livejournal.com profile] politicartoons | [livejournal.com profile] potterfests | [livejournal.com profile] quibbler_report | [livejournal.com profile] sixwordstories | [livejournal.com profile] slashorific | [livejournal.com profile] startrek | [livejournal.com profile] su_herald | [livejournal.com profile] summer_of_giles | [livejournal.com profile] swanmills | [livejournal.com profile] team_philinda | [livejournal.com profile] time_and_chips | [livejournal.com profile] torch_wood | [livejournal.com profile] torchwood_fic | [livejournal.com profile] torchwood_three | [livejournal.com profile] torchwoodcoffee | [livejournal.com profile] twstoryfinder | [livejournal.com profile] vaginapagina | [livejournal.com profile] vintage_ads | [livejournal.com profile] westsidestory | [livejournal.com profile] who_daily | [livejournal.com profile] wintercompanion

mine so duh I'm staying in the thing
[livejournal.com profile] claras_tables (mah tables stuffs) | [livejournal.com profile] femslashagenda (the most important of the things lmao) | [livejournal.com profile] firebyfiction (if I ever set up shop for cards stuff)

only open for a couple more months anyway
[livejournal.com profile] avland (inc. [livejournal.com profile] avlhero + [livejournal.com profile] helicarrier)

absolutely not leaving because I'm too emotionally attached / also fabulous ratio of friends and freedom to stress so there
[livejournal.com profile] 100_women - just the one 100-prompt table | [livejournal.com profile] 1_million_words - many challenges, etc. | [livejournal.com profile] cap_ironman - tiny reverse bang | [livejournal.com profile] fan_flashworks - 10-day rotation: rewards for consecutive challenges (THE END OF THE WORLD DUE 8.1) | [livejournal.com profile] femslash100 (+[livejournal.com profile] femslash100100, even though I don't have a table now) | [livejournal.com profile] femslashbb - monthly challenges (SPACE ONE DUE 7.31) | [livejournal.com profile] gameofcards (by ext. [livejournal.com profile] afulldeck, [livejournal.com profile] allthesuits, [livejournal.com profile] buy_cards, [livejournal.com profile] card_fun, [livejournal.com profile] card_writing, [livejournal.com profile] cards_wild, [livejournal.com profile] cardwars, [livejournal.com profile] team_hearts) | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_drabble | [livejournal.com profile] peggysous | [livejournal.com profile] writerverse (+ [livejournal.com profile] team_prose, [livejournal.com profile] wv_bookclub, [livejournal.com profile] wv_library)

nice ratio of things v stress (tables, non-mandatory challenges)
[livejournal.com profile] 12_stories | [livejournal.com profile] buffy_genfic | [livejournal.com profile] camelot_drabble | [livejournal.com profile] comicdrabbles | [livejournal.com profile] dmhgchallenge |[livejournal.com profile] dove_drabbles | [livejournal.com profile] dracoharry100 | [livejournal.com profile] dw100 | [livejournal.com profile] femslash_minis | [livejournal.com profile] hc_bingo | [livejournal.com profile] hd_fluff | [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts365 | [livejournal.com profile] hp_adoptaprompt | [livejournal.com profile] hp_goldenage | [livejournal.com profile] hp_het_taboo | [livejournal.com profile] hp_humpdrabbles | [livejournal.com profile] mcufemslash | [livejournal.com profile] merlin_writers | [livejournal.com profile] multi_genfic | [livejournal.com profile] older_not_dead | [livejournal.com profile] prompt_in_a_box | [livejournal.com profile] slashthedrabble | [livejournal.com profile] tw100 | [livejournal.com profile] writers_choice | [livejournal.com profile] writersblock

The Bangs...both dropped. [livejournal.com profile] marvel_bang + [livejournal.com profile] ncis_bang (naemi I may still ask you to beta stuff if that's okay). Both stories still in progress, will be finished eventually. Will keep unposted until either finished or until other WsIP undergo significant progress.

EDIT: The Marvel Bang rough drafts aren't due until August 26. I'm going to keep that, at least for the time being.

The [livejournal.com profile] c_im_bigbang you don't have to sign up for, but you're counted as part of it if you submit a draft on time, so low-pressure.

Fests
current:
[livejournal.com profile] avengersfest | [livejournal.com profile] bottom_draco | [livejournal.com profile] hd_cliche | [livejournal.com profile] hd_fan_fair | [livejournal.com profile] hermione_smut | [livejournal.com profile] hp_creatures | [livejournal.com profile] hp_darkages | [livejournal.com profile] hp_drizzle | [livejournal.com profile] hp_silencio | [livejournal.com profile] minerva_fest | [livejournal.com profile] rarepairfest | [livejournal.com profile] severus_fest | [livejournal.com profile] sirius_black | [livejournal.com profile] smallfandomfest
not:
[livejournal.com profile] ncis_ficathon | [livejournal.com profile] ncis_sesa | [livejournal.com profile] not_primetime | [livejournal.com profile] npt_admin | [livejournal.com profile] smutty_claus | [livejournal.com profile] space_swap | [livejournal.com profile] towerparty

Okay I have to head over to class but I'll continue editing this during break.

Post officially "finished" for 7.27. 153 comms now.
clarahow: (bbtaylor1)
Hey writing peeps...I've got a question and I don't even know where it might be appropriate to ask so I'm just gonna shoot and tag a few lovelies who might have answers...

Do you think it's better to drop out of a Bang (or two) that you're not sure you can finish? At the beginning of the summer I was totally confident I could finish both the Marvel and NCIS bangs, but now I've got a few fests and bingos going on too, and this coming week I actually have a take-home exam of four essays on a book I haven't finished yet due, and I've had writer's block, and basically everything's due either the end of July or the first few days of August and I really don't know...and then I also have a brilliant idea for the Cap/IM bang, which would be way different than and about characters I'm (slightly) less connected than those of the Marvel Bang, not to mention more than twice as long, but also including another (small) fandom I've been getting back into???

I don't know what to do with myself. Is dropping out of comms also in order? There are a couple I know I will not leave (and one that is actually going on hiatus pretty soon) but otherwise...I like them all but I feel like I've signed on for way too much, especially with being in school now and quite possibly continuing in the fall.

[livejournal.com profile] badly_knitted [livejournal.com profile] naemi [livejournal.com profile] femme_slash_fan pretty pls be my fandom moms (parents?) and help me

(other friends/comm buddies welcome to comment too, ofc)
clarahow: (bbtaylor1)
I have so little motivation/inspiration right now I...just...ugh...like I have so many things to write and I want to write them and for a couple of them I'm still elaborating on the stories in my head but today it just feels really hard to actually be getting words down :( and I started working on a page for my completed fills but I don't really feel like working on it anymore and I have a bunch of fics that I need to put over on my ao3 and I'm just really not feeling up to things????
clarahow: (bbtaylor1)
so I didn't know that LJ will delete old messages, so now I've lost some important details. namely, my betas for upcoming/current bangs.

I'm hoping that LJ will indeed alert [livejournal.com profile] naemi when I say that I believe you were my beta for the NCIS bang?

and I have the suspicion that the single email I have with a message from [livejournal.com profile] europa_kore means that you were my beta for the Marvel bang?

I am confused and have not done this before and keeping track of details is not my strong suit, so I'm sorry for forgetting!
clarahow: (bbtaylor1)
-anth 110 @ 1-4:10pm
-organize all notes
-continue reading in textbook
-continue reading in forest people
-at least two more drabble tag drabbles
-graphic for faith
-make a list. all the deadlines. just make a list.
-finish melinda and castor weeks
-extend queue
-post more fics to ao3



-CONTiNUE FREAKING OUT ABOUT TAYLOR TOMORRRRRROOOWW

I...wow

8/7/15 17:37
clarahow: (pagingkarenpage)
lol I've brought this up before BUT LOOK AT THIS jeez [livejournal.com profile] badly_knitted

clarahow: (pagingkarenpage)
clarahow: (leaningbny!marg)
everything just keeps happening so much

*insert agenda here*


Monday

{1-4:10pm} anth 110 @ 303 mary graydon center

Tuesday

{9:20am} must be out of house
{10am} meeting with alison

{1-2pm} meeting with kathleen

{3:30pm} meeting with claire

Wednesday

{1-4:10pm} anth 110 @ 303 mary graydon center

{6:30-8pm} (possibly) group @ wendt center

Thursday

{10am} must be out of house

{1-2pm} meeting with kathleen

Friday

{idk} hella studying

packing list

-bag, obviously
-my brain, also obviously
-CHARGED laptop
-laptop charger
-CHARGED phone
-headphones
-phone charge cord
-planner
-anthro books
-card purse
-coffee
-house key lanyard
-at least one pen
-scrunchie
-'civil war' novel
-ENTHUSIASM, YEAH!

To-Do's


-make packing list
-make positive playlist
-set up meds
-evaluate what bag will be most reasonable to take
-tell sarah info abt my new smartrip so that she can register it and put the auto-reload on it t.g.f.s. (thank God for Sarah)


-sketch up study schedule
-get room back to level of cleanness it was a couple of weeks ago and then press on


-lost w/ lunchbox: goucher water bottle, some food, lanyard for & with smartrip card,
-thinking of getting: actual wallet, fabric ots bag, smaller bag to keep school supplies together, reusable snack baggie & sandwich baggie

THE LUNCHBOX IS STILL UP
also saw snack and sandwich bags (but I didn't have those before even though I've been thinking they'd be nice, I'm putting them here for reference mostly abba you don't have to get them)
for the water bottle, I'm thinking of replacing it at least for the time being with one from AU
I haven't looked up the other stuff

past week pros & cons


-I want to sleeeeeeep and the universe and my brain chemistry are conspiring to make that very difficult

-I made it through the week

-my body is achy right now and that's weird and not fun

-CeCe's birthday dinner was fun, although it was kind of hard to stay social even though I wanted to and (renfrew thing) I'd verbally given myself permission to eat freely and feel okay with it. having to go to the bathroom was really uncomfortable. they have a cute bathroom though. it was good seeing CeCe and knowing she's feeling somewhat better, and getting to feel like we really were a family out to dinner rather than things being more awkward.

-I still feel kind of low and tired but not as much as I had last week.

-Before going to AU I freaked out a little since I was anxious about going there and getting help...but I liked it there. I missed the first N2 bus so I got an ice cream and a drink at 7-11 and waited at the bus stop for the twenty or so minutes until the next one.

-when even was Father's Day? well, it doesn't matter because I'm still VERY EXCITED ABOUT YOU KNOW WHAT which is part of why I've been less down because it's very hard to feel down when I remind myself THAT I AM GOING TO A TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT IN HER BIGGEST TOUR AND MOST FABULOUS ERA AND IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING AND I AM GOING TO LOVE THAT DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

-I've been writing more poetry, my word count has fallen from its usual pace but I'm stretching muscles that have been doing less work recently and it's nice.

-The Mystery workshop was great! A lot of specifics I didn't know.

-The storm scared the dickens out of me. and soaked me.

-I didn't think to wait it out and called you for help and then it started abating soon after.

more to come, probably.

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